Day 12 – When One Can Choose


Daily Weight BP Systolic BP Diastolic
9/9/2016 167.2 118 73

Yesterday I swam for the first time in a while. I was getting warmed up for swimming lessons. I like to swim just before class starts. I felt very weak doing them. My mind knew how much I normally give, but when I tried, it was like pulling through a vat of tree sap. My biceps are notably smaller from one weekly measurement to the next. There is little doubt that I am losing some muscle mass.

I could still swim. The swim time stayed very near my normal pace. It just felt like it took a lot of concentration to continue. I taught my lessons and swam with my kids and all worked well.

My work colleague and one of my best friends hit his 3 year anniversary mark at our my company. We are small business with less than 10 employees. I like it that way. We are also young. We have five years of operation under our belt.  That’s enough to feel like we are getting a handle on things, but every quarter is still an uncertainty.

Since he is a critical person in our operation, we celebrated by bringing in lunch. There is a really, really good barbecue place nearby and we catered in from there. Smells of ribs, smoked chicken, brisket and sauce tempted the mind and mocked the stomach. I could, for the first time perhaps, smell the different sauces and meats.

As tempting as it seemed, I wasn’t all that tempted. I know if I had some, I would love it. That was different from a craving. I didn’t feel like I needed to have it. It was all around me and I could resist without a major undertaking. I had a large sweet potato and conversed without calling any attention to myself.

Earlier in the day, when the lunch was being arranged someone mentioned they thought I was on a diet. I guess my not going out to eat this week or before caught attention. When asked I told them I didn’t want to talk about it and they are not to adjust any plans for it. That was the end of the conversation.

When I got home a nice pasta dish was still on the stove waiting for the first person to call dibs. I was now in my fed window for a good four hours. Again, I was able to acknowledge what smelled good, but not act on it.

I think there is something to this. On top of not having overwhelming cravings, I find that if I take a moment and admit a part of me wants that I can choose what to do about it. I associated the feeling or desire as a required action far to often. When I am not having cravings, the food becomes like many things I want, but do not get. I choose to not do it for any number of reasons.