I wonder if anybody else has this pattern where they discover something new and mind expanding and get excited. They get involved and join forums or meet up with people. They go to related activities and have a great time. They stick with it for a few years. Then as fast as they were energized, they drop it. The flash paper burns bright and brief with little trace of its former existence. That’s me.

I’m excited, aaand I’m not.

I just wonder if it is evidence of something more than just getting easily bored or quitting when it became work. That’s how writing is for me. I like doing it, but I don’t want to discipline myself enough to make it a regular practice. Once it feels like work, I feel like taking a sabbatical.

I worry because I have been working towards improving my health for over four years and fear I may let it all go. I lost my way on my eating lifestyle and am now back at the beginning to get back. I have found that the second time back is always more difficult in any journey of the self. The passion and energy that drove me at first has faded. The knowledge of what to do remains, but I lack the emotional strength I once had.

I am now on my fourth day of my new potato fast.  It’s going so well that I feel like I am doing better than the first time. This gives me hope. I am not fighting cravings like I did the first time, nor am I experiencing them like I did just last week. I don’t have the feeling of fatigue I had by now. It’s still early and something may yet create an unforeseen resistance.  On the other hand, it may be that in spite of my repeated falls off the plant wagon, I have kept it enough that I am not having the withdrawals of before.

I am losing weight at the same pace as before. I moved below 160 pounds two days ago. I hit 157 this morning. It’s going good. I want to keep it going. I don’t want this desire to burn into nothingness.